[x]

Does that make me Different?I wear make up. Does that make me fake?
I cry. Does that make me emo?
I have male friends. Does that make me slutty?
I smile a lot. Does that make me weird?
I laugh loud. Does that make me preppy?
I have anxiety. Does that make me a freak?
I have Bipolar Disorder. Does that make me abnormal?
I respect people. I change for me, and only me. I have a past, but I know I have a future.
Does that make me different?
Maybe.
But at least it makes me
Me.

FrostbiteNumbness
I can’t feel my toes and at first I think
It’s just my toes.
I can cover them up.
I can warm them.

It spreads, like fire,
Like ice.
I glance away for a second, it seems, and my feet are cold
Pat –pat
That’s funny, I didn’t feel that
Maybe I’ll cover them up too
I’ll warm them up.

I’ll take a nap
Maybe a short rest will make it all better, warm them
Up…
What’s that? How long has it been?
My legs… are you still mine..
Why has my breath left me, short?
Has everything but deserted me?

What about you, are you still here?
Are you still with me?
Hello?
And before I can say goodbye, I think my thoughts are leaving me too –

You'll Never Understand...You'll never understand...
But I'm glad you don't.
Because that would mean
You'd have to go through my pain.
And I'd never wish that
For you.

Dear fucked society,Dear fucked up society,
Why do you take our rights?
Our human rights?
To who we love?
To who we are.. To our image?
Tell me.

You force images down our throat;
Images of airbrushed, false looking
people. You want people to look
more skinny and cause anorexia,
More along the hidden line that
you dig under the ground like
a dead forgotten body yet always there

You show us that its not right to be gay,
lesbian, bi-sexual or transgendered..
And then wonder why the suicide rate is
so fucking high. You cause the nightmares
and terrors of our family not accepting us
our

Sleeping Beautyshe’s in love with a character who
never existed but in the labyrinth of her head:
a patchwork composition of beautiful, lengthy words
she’d heard in her catatonic state; coma living
day in and day out, reliant on the salvation
of a man made of foreign wishing
and imperfection and necessity – an ignorance
of the less than ideal perception of self she’d
come to fear, absention stained romantic to the point
where daydreams were a standard for survival

(real living is for the purposeful of heart,
he loves her in her sleep)

UneditedWe cry.
We scream.
We fight for our dream.

We scream.
We cry.
We're just waiting to die.

The same emotions
with a different drive.
Sometimes dead, sometimes alive.

The same in one way,
different in another
brother and sister, sister and brother.

So close in feeling,
so different in the end.
Falling apart, or finally on the mend?

Which am I?
Will I ever know?
Fighting to stay or ready to go?

Maybe I'm both,
in some impossible way.
Emotions oddly mixed everyday.

Wouldn't surprise.
I'm such a freak.
Excuse me, I laugh, I should call it "unique"

I don't fight fair...Cut, bruised, scraped, forgotten. These things I have all been at least once in my life. But it
hasn't made me stronger, just more determined in my fight to live another day.
I know the ways of my attackers, studied their movements, learned their tricks and gleamed
their true motives. I have seen their weaknesses, their faults, theirs flaws and I have kept
them close to me, ready for use when the next time we meet.
They are cautious of me, they have weary from my adaptive ways, knowing that I can fall only
so many times. They are scared for I have the key to their defeat; not by sane ways, but by
the ways they fear to tread.
One look, one stare, one gesture and they will run in fear for the truth is upon them: "I won't
live restrained anymore."
"I have seen your errors an played on them like strings on a violin. Moved you to place were I
make the rules. Put you on display for all to see what you have done, and what will be done."

You ha

Happily AloneHonesty,
She does not have,
Personalities,
She has many of them.

A million shields,
a million personalities,
She's always changing,
to fit every person around her.

If one were to ask why,
she would answer with,
I will never reveal my weaknesses,
because she's evil.

She hates everyone,
stupider than her is barely tolerable,
smarter than her is too scary,
She hates it all.

She leaves the world behind,
To one she has dreamt of,
No color,
nobody else.

Then,
she will smile,
why,
because she is truly happy alone.

She is not evil,
She does not hate you,
She is not dishonest,
She simply wants to be alone.

lifelinesI fear the sound of sparrows
and the density of leaves
against dew-muffled blades
of grass,

and I'm drowning
in the sky.

My skin has learned how
to peel itself off
without causing a commotion
in my marrows or
even show the slightest hint
of pain,
and my heart has learned how
to hush the stars in their wake
and keep it all a secret.

There's a sea in my mouth
and I can't swim.

There are lifelines
cast like these and it will
all end with the same tragedy.

the carbon footprint of an arsonistyour crystal promise
rings drip off your glacial
fingers into global

nothings. the geodesic
dome you used to live in
is a hell you keep

clean-shaven and concentric,
spiraling away from you,
wrapping your unborn

children up in paper goblets.
for minimum wage, any geryon
would cling to the terza rima

inkblots on your
collarbones, his spongy molars
diving into your right

angles, his familiar laughs
killing your skin with
shivering cuddles and you

shudder, being self-diagnosed
at center of the universe,
your hair a nest of radio

waves, the one cosmic
principle drumming on the ancient
heart of mystery.

but amateur porn always
made you cry

of seafoam thronesFrom Atlas’ hands she wept to me,
atop Africas and South Atlantics;

this is one situation unaffected by
ember eyes and windy lashes
(it has no anatomy).

You are sparrows stranded
in tiny crevices and cliffside love,
though you rebuke flight
in the fear of chipping feathers.

So what do you do?

You reach for my soul,
coveting flight with shaking
dainty arms…

and perhaps I’ll let you:
With flytrap lips and
glass shaped hips…
you are unfit for anything but
sight.

(But beauty isn’t everything)

The WaitingBones hang from trees
Hollow windchimes rattling
In the sullen breeze

Dark clouds make noonday dusk
Rusted buttons on threadbare coats
Sorrow drips like rain

(From the fingertips of this dead-rose day)

Hoofprints kill the grass
Where the dark horse steps
The rider unsmiling

The tired and ill amble about
Cattle awaiting the shoulder tap
To sleep, but not to dream

(To become whatever the second birth dictates)

A Charmed LifeDoll-faced men and sinkholes, ancient tombstones
Leaves piled ankle-deep, falling down
Old wells, old graves, old friends lost
Pirate adventures in Neverland
Don't go into that barn

Ponchoboy and Rangergirl rise from the ashes
From the cold river, from afar
Remember before they were born, how they
Held hands and jumped into the world
Don't go into that school

Ladybugs, pennies, notes from the dead sun eclipse
Scrape the inside of your skull for clues
All the old dreams are still there, petrified
You are a rock of ages gibbering
Don't go into that factory

Ashes on the SandWe put you in
a crystal box
small enough for me
to hold in my
hands
(and that thought gives me
chill bumps)
The tide was high
where we took you
and I remember thinking
how pointless it was
(you were just going to wash
up on the shore)
Everyone was quiet
and some people cried
and as you were tossed
out to sea like so
many grains of sand
I thought how much
I missed you
(Now I think how much
I hate you
for leaving)

weight of the worldand suddenly--
it was like the world decided that
it didn't want to carry its burden any longer,
so it shifted the weight
into the hollows of my bones
and told me that
it was my problem now.

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MotherWhy,
Why must you be so ashamed of me?

SO WHAT,
Am I not allowed to have a mental break down?
Am I not allowed to ask for OUTSIDE help?

You lie and manipulate innocent people,
and you say that your childhood was like mine.
I've heard your stories,
YOU WERE NOTHING LIKE ME!

Can't you see,
YOU
ARE
MAKING
ME
SUICIDAL!

Mommy,
I don't care if me being depressed goes on my record,
Because maybe it needs to be.

Please understand that I will leave,
Whether it be by death,
Or by foot.

And it will be soon.

PromisePromise me,
To never leave,
To always be here.

If you promise me,
I'll know you're lying,
For a promise,
Is a fool's lie.

It's nothing,
But a jester's tale,
A bunch of meaningless words.

So promise me,
Things will get better,
That you'll always be here,
Because in the end,
It'll never happen.

Reality?I may not believe in love,
But I sure wish I do.

It sounds amazing,
And it can brighten up someone so much.

I surround myself with words and drawings,
So I never have to face the reality,
That I don't believe in Love.

What is it like,
to love someone?

Is it like floating in the sky,
or is it nothing special?

Is it a beacon of hope,
Or is it a rocky descend?

Is love good,
Or bad?

There are so many questions,
Buzzing in my head.

But the most important;
What is love?

Help?I'm fighting,
I swear I am,
I just can't fight much longer.

I thought I had a safe haven,
But I guess I was wrong,
You want me to be a certain way.

I've cried,
I've cut,
I'm losing it.

I'm losing faith and trust,
In everyone,
Even my goddess.

I want to scream for help,
But I don't know how anyone could help,
So what's the use?

All anyone could do,
Is just encourage me that,
"Things will be better."

I hope it's before I get the meds.

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That Girl

by ~ashleii, Feb 9, 2011, 10:25:22 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

Just once,
I want to be
That girl...

The one who
Has plans every weekend,
That guys give a second glance,
That people like...

I know that
She's here,
And I'm happy to
Make a new friend...

But she has more of a life,
Than I do,
And she hasn't even been here
A week.

It's a stupid,
Girly thing to say,
But I want to be that...
I want to be that girl...

I want to be the girl,
Who grabs everyone's attention,
Who can get any guy she wants,
Who gets invited to the parties...

I guess I never will be,
Because I'm not right
For the part...
But it still brings me to tears.

That Girlby ~ashleii

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

Hosting a French exchange student hasn't been going well... She's being invited to do so much, and guys are always looking at her and flirting with her. While I'm just the geeky girl who's giving her a place to stay... And I know it's because she's new and interesting, but it still doesn't help how I'm feeling.... This may be the end of my 27-day streak...

!Copic-Kun Feb 20, 2011

_{One: All the guys at are school are school aren't even worth it
Two: Shes going to leave soon and they will forget about her
Three: Shes french, guys like that and their probably trying to get with her because they think she's a easy catch
Four: Don't be jealous of her
Five: Don't compare yourself to anyone because that causes low self esteem and your good the way you are}

~Grokenos82 Feb 17, 2011 Hobbyist Traditional Artist

We are who we want to be.
You are who you are and there are many of us who appreciate you because of that.
Do you really want to act like someone else just so that you can have as much fame, as much attention as her?
Don't forget, they only appreciate her because she's all so "pretty and wonderful"
But as soon as she lets the façade go the slightest bit, they'll lose interest in her.
In fact, they'll lose interest in her as soon as they find someone better.
They don't like her because she is who she is, they like her because she's new, because she's become a fad.
But you, Ashlynne, we love you for who you are, deep inside.
We don't care if you come from the USA, Canada, England or France.
We don't care if you wear skirts or trousers, t-shirts or suits.
We love your quirks, we love your mannerisms, your personality.
If you started to wear something different, we would compliment.
If you had a hard time, we will help you up.
If you started to cry, we would take out a handkerchief and wipe your face dry.
Trust me when I say this, even if she is adored by all these people, they will let her down at a moment's notice.
But you, we will always be there for you, no matter what.
Is it not better to have a handful of close friends, than a horde of fans who don't really care?

~serennac Feb 10, 2011 Student Traditional Artist

_{You can be whatever you want. There's nothing or no one limiting you, Ashley. It all depends on what you do to change yourself, but never say never.
I'm not the kind of person that people would probably want to flirt or have parties with either, but personally, I'm not looking for anyone's approval.
I understand where you're coming from, though. I understand that kind of wanting, because I've felt it countless times.
I know it's going to sound cheesy, but--you can decide "oh, I want to look/be different", and take action on it. But you can also let it go and love yourself for who you are, and you should. You're beautiful in every aspect, Ashley, and you musn't forget that.
Personally, I'd be kind of sad if you changed to be like "that girl". I and many other people love you for who you are.}

~serennac Feb 11, 2011 Student Traditional Artist

_{I just realized I said "never say never". Oh god.}

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